Following up my last post about Call of Duty, here are a few valuable truths that I've learned along the way. Maybe they'll ring true for some of you as well.
1. There is no such thing as strategy
When you first start playing a Call of Duty game, you might be tempted to try to be strategic, or otherwise use your brain. Forget it. Anything clever you may think about doing is immediately nullified by every other asshole on the map running their crazy asses off. Some players have memorized certain patterns based on where enemies are likely to spawn. Others are just like rabid, headless chickens. Either way, the second you start to think in this game, you're getting popped.
2. Stop for more than 3 seconds and you're dead
Related to the item above, most of the time you'll be playing against people running like maniacs. The way the maps are designed, there's almost nowhere you're not vulnerable from behind, so you've got to keep moving. Hold still for more than a couple seconds and you're sure to get shanked. The real downside is that eventually you'll have to resort to adopting their style of gameplay to survive.
3. When given a choice of directions to go, you'll always pick the wrong one
This one never fails. When entering/exiting a building, cave, tunnel, etc and faced with going left or right, more often than not, you're going to make the wrong decision. Check the radar on your mini-map, listen for the direction of gunfire, watch for shadows and check the phase of the moon, but when you walk out that door, you're getting it in the back.
4. If you run up against someone sporting gold-plated guns, get the hell outta there
This is the sign of someone that's played WAY too much of this game. They've Prestiged (hit the level cap and started over), multiple times and earned gold-plated weapons. When you see one or more players using these against you, it's best to just pack it in and join a new game.
5. "Matchmaking" is a myth
Again, related to the above, forget about anything resembling matchmaking. In any normal universe, this would mean that you're put into matches with other players based on everyone's "skill" level. But that's not the way it works. I'm not really sure what kind of algorithm they actually use, but I'm pretty sure my two-year-old could come up with something better. I'm routinely thrust into matches where I'm going up against players at double my XP level.
6. You will be called "bitch" or "fag" at least once per session
Pardon my French on this one, but it's the reality of playing violent multiplayer games against white, 12-year-old gangsta wannabes that have been playing this game for 36 hours straight in their grandma's basement.
7. Knives will always trump bullets
If there's one thing to know about Call of Duty gameplay, it is this. You can unload an entire clip in a guy's face, but if he can get to you with the tip of his knife, you're toast. Nothing is more frustrating that rounding a corner, coming face-to-face with an opponent, and before you can squeeze the trigger, you're taken out by a slash of the knife. To add insult to injury, as you watch the "kill-cam" replay, you see that he barely even made contact. In fact, he probably was facing a totally different direction. Want to get kills? Get really good at knifing. Unfortunately, that's something I never think fast enough to do…until it's too late.
So there you have it. 7 things that piss me off about these games. There are many more I'm sure, but I think the real issue here is how I'm consistently drawn back to something that frustrates the shit out of me day in and day out.
Maybe there's some kind of pill I can take.